Friday, April 27, 2012

The Eve of Change

This is one of those rare blog posts that I probably won't be sharing on Facebook...I know most people don't browse the interweb hoping to read about how shitty other people's lives are.  Even though I pride myself on posting a true representation of my life, I must admit I try not to focus on the negative.  But every once in a while, I feel the need to use this blog as I originally intended - a safe place to vent, postulate and find my sanity.  So here goes...

I'm so down right now.  I feel like nothing in my life is going in the right direction.  Joe and I told ourselves in January that 2012 HAD to be better than 2011, but I'm beginning to think that's improbable at this point.  Shit is just piling up...with no end in sight.

We are selling our house.  It's official...the lock box is on the front door and the For Sale sign will be here tomorrow, Monday at the latest.  Under different circumstances, I would be super excited.  I've wanted to sell this house forever...get something newer, cleaner, better maintained...something that only mine and Joe's.  I've always felt like an outsider...Joe bought this house with another woman...and remnants of that time still linger.  And it just takes too much to maintain it.  So, I should be happy.  Except we aren't selling our house and buying a new one, like I'd originally planned.  No, we're selling our house and moving into an apartment.  Taking the money we have in equity and using it to get by since Joe is making absolutely no money and I can't cover everything on my own despite having two jobs.

I thought at first we'd get a nice apartment...something I could really enjoy...be proud of.  Now, I'm realizing those are just pipe dreams.  Joe seems like he already has one he's set on.  It's right down the road from his parents...near a playground...near shopping.  But it's small...and old.  I'm just sick and sad thinking about moving our stuff into storage just because we can't get it figured out.  And I think he's really counting on me going to DC next year as some sort of financial savior.  Except it's not guaranteed...and him and Nash may not be able to come with me.  This isn't the way I envisioned our life together when we got married...

The worst part is that I HATE my job...like hate it.  There's nothing about it that I enjoy.  I'm overworked...like crazy.  I hate dealing with people.  I don't like being a part of sales...I don't like sitting in sales meetings.  I don't want to be there anymore...  And yet I have no where else to go.  I have hardly any time to job search because I'm stretched so thin already with work, Army commitments, keeping our house clean, monitoring our finances, trying to fit in a workout, and keeping my family happy and fed.  I log jobs any chance I get, then stay up late to fill out the applications, only to never hear back.  I don't have a chance to call these people during the day...and half the time a whole week goes by before I can even stop to think about the jobs I applied to the weekend prior.  I feel so stuck...and the frustration brings me near tears every other day.  But I can't quit because my money is all we have.  And the Army needs this and has to have that...and I can't give them the dedication they ask for because I have too much else going on.

I don't know what to do.  I don't know if selling our house is a good idea.  I don't think my husband has a plan so we're just winging it...and that scares the shit out of me.  But I'm tired of fighting with him about it.  I'm just letting him do whatever he thinks is best because it's that or fight.  And I don't think I'll get my way even if we fight.  Not that I know what I really want at this point anyways.

In a perfect world:
  • Joe would sell the County Line tomorrow and walk away with a least a little money.
  • He would get another job making decent money.
  • I would get a new job.
  • We would sell our house and buy a new one.
  • We'd have another baby.

I read this quote a lot that say, "You must give up the life you planned to get the life that was meant for you." (or something like that).  Is that true or are you just settling?  Why should our goals and plans be abandoned just because they are harder to attain?  Just thinking out loud.

Friday's Fashion Wrap Up - vol. 12 TWOFER!

Even though I told myself I was only going to focus on one outfit a week for FFWU so I wouldn't be so stressed and feel like I have to put together an awesome ensemble every day, I didn't follow the rules this week.  I took my original photos early on, but then had an idea for casual Friday (even though my original idea didn't pan out...the second outfit is an example of late-night outfit evolution).

But we're getting ahead of ourselves...let's start with outfit #1.  It was unseasonably cold this week..and probably the last "cold snap" (as my husband would say) of the year, so I took full advantage and busted out some winter items.

Leggings:  Arden B
Tank: Express
Blazer: H&M
Scarf:  New York & Co
Boots:  Aldo
Earrings: Charlotte Russe

 
Ring: Charlotte Russe


And here's outfit #2!



Jeans:  Red Engine from Denim Bar in DC
Shirt: Old Navy

 
Belt and Big Ring: Express
Bracelet:  American Eagle
Mint Nailpolish from Sally Hanson

 
Shoes: Shoedazzle a billion years ago...and this is the first time I've worn them!
 

Mint earrings to match nail polish from Charlotte Russe...also a billion years ago.
Wet hair = lazy Friday 

Apparently mint is the color of the season, woot woot!  These pics are a bit blurry since I switched lenses on the hubs and he hasn't gotten use to it yet.  But it's soft and lovely, so I can't complain.  Husband also couldn't believe I had a pair of shoes that I had never worn!  Truth is, I have a ton of shoes.  So, it's actually quite unbelievable that I don't have MORE shoes I never wear...  Time to buy more shoes!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Wordless{ish} Wednesday

I love this lens...


I can't believe how amazing these photos look.  He's just so handsome...and the photographer ain't bad either.  Although I must admit a fair number of my recent photos have been, uh, less than stellar.  I'm finding it hard to adjust to the static lens (my old 55-85 had some zoom at least...and the 75-300 has serious zoomage).   I'm also noticing that I have a hard time getting the focus just right...but when I do...


These pics were taken over the weekend while we were lounging around...Nash think he owns the place.  I tend to agree...  The pic below was taken in very low light (our house is a freakin cave) and yet I think it still looks great...the softness of it adds something, I think.


Later that night, the in-laws stopped by and Nash had a good time with Grandmom (as usual).  Have I mentioned that he is wildly obsessed with anything soft and cuddly (and by obsessed I mean he loves to bite the crap out of them...affectionately, of course)?


 
Quite possibly my favorite picture of him...ever.



Friday, April 20, 2012

Friday's Fashion Wrap Up - vol. 11

This was outfit #2 of the week...outfit #1 was a waste because I was running late for work, so I had no time to take photos.  But...the good news is that this outfit is actually better!  The other one had some of the same items from last week, so I like that this one totally mixes it up!

And I knew this would be the outfit of the week when the first two people I saw at work made comments.  I even ran over to Target in the afternoon and had the checkout lady compliment my shoes, so they must be good!  Thanks, Target Lady!
So, here goes!

Trousers:  H&M
Tank: American Eagle
Vest: Charlotte Russe
Belt:  Express
Shoes: Aldo
Earrings: Charlotte Russe
Necklace: Charlotte Russe
Bracelets: H&M
Watch: Stolen from the Hubs

Here are the magic shoes...not terribly uncomfortable, but my feet did hurt at the end of the day.  I do love how perfectly the necklace matched the shoes...

 

Note:  Peg-legged pants make thou butt look bigger

I didn't have enough time to do anything fancy with my still-wet hair, so a quick little pony had to do.  Later in the day, I realized how bad it looked so I took it out and went au naturel.   It must also be said that an older lady went by during her daily morning walk, and here we were, standing in front of our house taking fashion shots.  Uncomfortable, much? 

As a side note, I'm super stoked for my rental 50mm to arrive tomorrow so I can test it out.  I'm thinking it will make my weekly fashion posts even better!  Now, if it were only Friday afternoon...

Thursday, April 19, 2012

16-Months Old - Holy Crap!


As usual, I'm late with this post.  I always have such grand plans for what I want to do/say/create each time another month goes by for my sweet little boy, yet somehow life always seems to get in the freakin way.  Even so, I cannot let a month pass with recording all the precious details so that one day we can all look back on these posts and remember him just as he was...at 16-months old.

It's been a bit of a rollercoaster month in our house...as Nash's personality begins to explode to the surface, so does his temper.  He has fully embraced the "testing boundaries" stage and loves to go completely limp and scream whenever he tell him "no" or try to redirect him.  It's especially awesome in public.  Add to that his new favorite past time of pooping in the bathtub each night, and it's crazy town over here at our house.


He's currently clocking in at 26 lbs or so and about 32" or 33" tall (I can't remember exactly and I'm already lying in bed).  We've switched out the majority of his clothes for 2Ts and are even considering upgrading his shoes (some of his size 6's are getting snug).  I can't even believe how fast he's growing...and how tall he still is.  Where did these mutant genes come from, child?!?

He hasn't sprouted any more teeth, but thank god for that!  We're still holding strong at all 8 front teeth, all 4 canines, and all 4 first molars...so that's a total of 16 teeth!  He's still fighting the tooth brushing, but we're continuing with the fluoride toothpaste and he's starting to grasp the routine.

He's really independent now too.  He walks almost every where he needs to go - out to the car, into the house, through the mall.  In fact, it's often a struggle to carry him during those times it's just not safe for him to walk because he wants to do it himself.  He always pushes our hands away when we try to help him open something, stack something, or even just eat.  He has to hold the bite of food...Mama can't do it.  Needless to say, we've been battling with sticky, crusty hand prints all over the couch, walls, furniture.


He's really starting to form "almost words" too.  The one thing he is saying definitively (other than Mama and Daddy) is "mmmm, it's good."  Which is kind of funny, since we're not sure why he picked up that phrase in particular but he loves to say it after he drinks something (even if it's his soapy bath water).  I've also heard mutterings like "itty" (kitty) and "a poo" (something to do with pooping).  His comprehension is unbelievable...I never knew kids this young understood so much.

He mimics our facial expressions and gestures so much now - like rubbing his hands together and then rubbing his head like we do when we take a bath or when he tries to fold laundry with one of us.  He has taken more interest in blocks, cars, and anything that has tiny little parts.  We've been slowly baby-proofing our entire house as he's now able to open every door, reach almost every surface, and pop tops off things.  He insists on standing on tables, climbing into his crib (not out of yet, thank god), and "jumping" and landing flat on his chest, so it's always a bit scary when we're playing near hard surfaces.
  

All in all, he's the sweetest, most perfect little boy (emphasis on boy), I could have ever asked for. And even though I'm not 100% sure what our near future holds for us as a family, one thing is for sure:  I love this little man more than anything in the whole world and I'm so excited to see what 17 months brings!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Friday's Fashion Wrap Up - vol. 10

It's still Friday, right?  You'll have to forgive me for my late post...I'm off doing Army duty and weapons qual, staff call, dinner, and a run were on the schedule before I could sit down and knock this post out.

I had a few good outfits this week, but this one took the cake.  I think I stepped outside the box a bit AND I even did my hair (differently than I normally do, anyways).  Let's see what you think.


Dress: H&M
Sweater and Earrings: Charlotte Russe
Belt:  Target
Shoes:  Jessica Simpson


I've worn this dress a number of times, 
but the addition of a weathered brown belt 
and a soft cream sweater 
gives a rather stuffy dress a rustic, almost bohemian feel.




I just french braided my hair all the way down on each side, 
then wrapped the ends around each other 
and pinned (and pinned and pinned) in place.  
Pull out a few wispy pieces in front 
and the look goes from elementary school to bohemian cool. 


Now I know where all those forehead lines come from...
Note to self: stop raising eyebrows ASAP.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Easter 2012

As this was Nash's first Easter that he really remembered/took part in, Joe and I wanted to make sure we pulled out all the stops.  So in the weeks prior, we stocked up on eggs, colored grass, and small trinkets.  We scoured our friend base for insider tips on the best egg hunt in town.  And we cleared our schedules for a weekend of pastel cuteness.

Our first big event was easter egg dyeing.  I knew from friends that this is complicated with a toddler, but I really wanted to attempt it.  My husband is much less fond of letting the baby make big messes, whereas I'm always handing him sticky candy or letting him eat rice on his own, so I knew he'd be a little on edge.  We busted out the dyes, strapped the kid in the chair, and went for it.

Blue fingers and smashed, but pretty, eggs later, we think it was a success!  Nash was not happy when we ran out of eggs though...must remember to make more next year.


On Saturday, we met our friends Chad and Kristina and their little boy, Bradley, over at their church for an Easter egg hunt. There was swarms of kiddos, 8000 plastic eggs just waiting to be nabbed, and tons of photo ops.

Trust me when I tell you these are but a fraction of the photos I took.



Nash really didn't care much about putting the eggs in the basket.  He would just grab them, rip them open, shove them in his mouth, then move on to the next one.  Apparently we should have practiced the whole basket thing.



A doggie and some little chickies just made his day.



Nevermind my crazy hair in the photo above...that was the best pic out of the ten Joe took.  Either the kid was squirming or my hair was literally blown into my face.  But at least the pic of them looks good!

Easter morning began late since Joe had to work the night before and needed to catch up on sleep.  Mama whipped up some carrot cake waffles and cracked open the easter eggs and we waited for the snoring to subside (just kidding, Joe Joe).


Grandmom and Grandpop got him a beach toy set!  Perfect timing because, like I mentioned yesterday, we hit up the beach later that day!


It didn't take long for Nash to bust into the caramel eggs...although he was nice enough to share a teensy bite with Daddy (who decided candy is not good before 10 am).  Along with the sand tools, Nash also got a stuffie, a sweet Hot Wheels car, a little train, some stickers, and some colors/shapes flash cards.




My sweet little bunny and his Mama!


It was so nice to spend time with my little family and begin those family traditions that will stick with us for years to come.  Who knows, maybe we'll make it a tradition to go to the beach every year.  And candy before 10 am is a must!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Easter Surf Fest


Instead of a traditional Easter at church or with our families, Joe and I decided to do Easter the Florida way.  With a good old fashioned surf competition.  My friend Tiffany told me her husband Elliot (who's an incredible amateur surfer) was competing in the Easter Surf Fest in Cocoa Beach on Sunday, so we packed up the kiddo and hit the sand.

Nash got to hang with his sweet little BFF Kyla and we got some much needed sun time (which ended up being too much for pasty ole Mama).


The beginnings of sharing, we think!


Isn't Kyla just the prettiest little thing?!  She makes my ovaries ache...


While I was snapping pics of the surf action for Elliot, the hubs was playing dadddy day care with the kiddos.  Apparently they all thought it would be hilarious to bury Nash in the sand...or his legs at least.


Elliott ended up taking 1st place in the semi-finals (which is the part we saw) and 4th overall!  All that despite surfing in a very broad age bracket (25-45).  Woot woot!

And don't worry...a more traditional Easter post should come tomorrow!
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