Battles

Struggling a bit here. It's always so much harder after being gone for a while. Story goes like this:

Mama and Bub are getting along great...he's learned that she loves kisses, is good at playing trucks and is the best wrestle partner. Life is grand.

Then Mama has to leave for work. Maybe it's just all day...for 4 or 5 days... but she's home at night. Or maybe she's gone for a week or two. Either way, she's gone.

And when she returns, Nash wants nothing to do with her. I mean, aside from the initial 5 minutes where she's the hot new game in town (aka someone new to show off to). Other than that, he's constantly asking for someone else...even when I'm in the room and we're playing, he's not satisfied with just me. He doesn't listen to me...acts like there's no way in hell I'm in charge of him. Cries, throws tantrums...or, in the case of today, falls asleep on the bedroom floor because Mama said he had to get in the bed for naptime.

Maybe it's just terrible twos. Or maybe I'm slowly losing this battle. i mean, who knew I would have a kid that would constantly test me...test my patience, my innovation and my emotions. He just doesn't seem to care much about me most days...and despises me the rest because I'm trying to be strict with him. And everyone's watching. Asking themselves, well gee...he's usually not like this. Yes, I know. It's me.

It's part of a woman's role in life to be a good mother, raise great children and take care of her family. And I feel like I'm failing at that part. Or at least failing by comparison. My husband is more patient. But he's also more lenient. I'm a little hot-headed, but I stick to my guns. Sometimes feel like I'm on team all-alone-out-here-on-discipline-island...but then I'm barely home anyway so what does it matter what rules I enforce or if I slip him a piece of candy every time I see him.

I'm losing. And part of me wants to concede the battle and say, it's all yours. But I know I could never do that. So I'll continue on...failing, losing...

Daycare Dilemma

Last weekend, we all piled in the car (me, Joe, his parents, and Nash) and headed over to Orlando so I could show them how amazing Chipotle is.  His family is considering buying a franchise, or some other kind of business, so they are shopping around ideas.  I immediately said, "you should put a Chipotle in Brevard County!" 

Since they had never been to one, we faced the hour drive to get some delicious burritos and bowls.  The verdict:  they liked it!  Then we had to decide what else we were going to do since we couldn't just drive to Orlando for food.  So we headed across the street to the mall to get some ice cream and walk around.

We knew Nash needed some time to run since he was cooped up in the car, then cooped up in the high chair, then in his stroller, so we located the Kid Zone on the directory and popped on over.  What happened next can only be described as unbelieveable. 

Waiting his turn at the slide

Nash was beside himself with joy.  He was running around, screaming, squealing, talking to kids, running back and forth to take turns on the slide.  It was just so awesome to watch my little man be so completely happy.  We laughed, took pictures, and just stood back and let him do his thing.

Chillin' in the spaceship

Leaning on Grandpop

Plopped himself in the middle of a house full of kids

Ecstatic

After we left, we decided it was time to put him in daycare.  We've been using his parents, my mom, and our next door neighbor Susie to watch him for the few hours that Joe is at work...and all that has been working out fine.  But he never gets the chance to socialize...so it's time we left him mingle with his people.

So, we met up Thursday at lunch to check out this place that I found online.  They had a really great website, good prices, and were open extra late.  Not to mention, they took drop ins, like if something came up, or you just wanted to go out to dinner or whatever.  Flexibility!  We dropped in to see what it was like on the inside and nearly stopped dead in our tracks.

It was awful.  Dirty.  Smelly.  Too many kids.  Kids with snot crusted to their faces.  Caregivers I would not ever think to leave my kids with. Good god...what have I gotten myself into?!  I'm not exaggerating, as I know one would expect a mother to be overly critical of those she expects to take her place, but seriously.  It was bad.  We spent five minutes there and said our goodbyes.  I quickly promised Nashie I would never leave him at a place like that.

So, now we are back at square one.  We need a daycare.  I want to enroll him in this Montessori school that seems really great, but he has to be 18 months old.  So, we were thinking we'd do just a day or two a week at a normal daycare until then, but definitely not that one.

Bad Mommy

My poor little man has been sick.  It started simply enough with him having some super smelly, frequent diapers.  We thought, hmmm, that's different.  Then there were the last 3 days of Cranky McCrankerson.  Couldn't figure out why he was so clingy and whiny...he would literally burst into tears for no reason.  And this kid is super happy...almost NEVER cries.  And he hasn't been wanting to drink his milk or eat (and this kid LOVES to eat).  So, we're perplexed.

On Tuesday night, I put him to bed like normal, although he was a bit fussy.  Around 2 am or something, I hear him stirring a bit.  I don't run in there because I ran in there the other night and shoved a bottle into his mouth before realizing that he wasn't even really that awake...  I was so tired, I just ran in and didn't wait to see if he would fall back asleep.  So not wanting to do that again, I lied in bed and waited.  And he fell back asleep.

Wednesday morning, I get up, take a shower, and can't wait to smooch my Bubs.  Joe goes into his room with a bottle, like normal...then comes into the bathroom.  He says, "Hey Honey, look at this stuff all over his jammies."  I get close...and sniff.  BAM!  Big mistake.   A wave of vomit-smell invades my nose and my overly sensitive gag reflex kicks in and I nearly barf all over the two of them.  I am so bothered by all this, I rip the puke-crusted jammies off the Bubs and go into his room.  And there it is.  Puke...everywhere.  He apparently threw up in the middle of the night and proceeded to lie in it for the rest of the night.  It was in his hair, on his face, and all over the sheets and blankets. 

I felt like such a horrible mother.  To this very instance, I cannot forgive myself for not going in there Tuesday night.  I let my baby sleep in his own throw up for who knows how many hours.  I feel absolutely, positively terrible...

Thankfully, he's feeling better now...but I'm still upset.  Hate that he sleeps so far away, but I know it's part of growing up...I know he can't sleep in my bed forever, but I can't help but think that if he had been, this wouldn't have happened.