Relating...Big Time

Alright, I am sitting here watching Sex and the City 2 (lord knows why), and I just had a moment. There's a scene where Charlotte is in the kitchen with her two kids (who she longed for so dearly) and she nearly loses it. She yells at her one daughter, then goes and hides in the pantry to cry - ignoring the pleas of her daughters to come out. Wow.

I remember watching this movie the first time and not really thinking much of it, but now it really hits home. I've had that moment. That moment where you feel so in over your head, and you're emotional, and then you're upset that you are so emotional. And it's all just so much. It's a wee bit of regret and then a wave of regret for regretting.

I never knew being a mother would be so hard... I never knew I could feel the strongest of emotions on both sides of the spectrum - absolute, indescribable love for this tiny little magical person and fear, anger, hate, spite, utter sadness.

It's amazing, isn't it? Thank god, I'm leaning more towards the magical, love love, absolute adoration side these days.

Baby's First Easter

I think one of the best parts of parenthood is watching your child discover and enjoy all the little holidays, treasures, and treats that we so worshipped when we were young.  It's almost like rediscovering those things all over again.  I used to dream about his first Christmas, taking him to Disney World for the first time, and the first time he gets to eat Del's Freeze.  Today I got to watch him enjoy his first Easter (although he is too young for eggs and chocolate, so it's not quite the same, but the idea is what matters).

Yesterday, we took Nashie to Viera to meet the Easter Bunny.  He was such a good boy...just sat there all calmly while Mama took the picture.  He didn't smile or anything, but it's still priceless.

This morning, we helped him open up his Easter basket, which was filled with little toys and an animal touch book.  Daddy read him the card and showed him where to touch in the book to feel the animals' soft fur.

Then today, we went up to Joe's parents' house to spend the day with them.  He played, we went in the pool (even though we forgot our swimmies), had margaritas and dinner, then headed home for our bath and bedtime.

I need a nap, Mama.

Family Portrait

WHW

Thought I would start the week off by recaping a few of the outfits little Nash Man wore this week.  It's been a trying week, with the whole sleep training thing, but we still managed to pull ourselves together.


Orange Pocket Onesie - Carter's
Cotton Shorts - Target

Puma Swimmies - Bought from Once Upon a Child
Tee - H&M



Monkey Onesie - Appaman for Target

Polo Onesie - Baby Gap
Striped Pants - H&M

Onesie - Gift from Mindy, tag says LiveNation
Shorts - Amy Coe (from Babies R Us)

Making Progress

Tonight begins night 4 of our new routine.  that is...me not rushing in to tend to him whenever he wakes up in the middle of the night.  We are trying to break him of his habit of waking at midnight and again at 4 am, 5 am, etc...  We are trying to cut out the middle of the night feedings and replace them with a single "dream feed" at midnight.  So far so good.

The first few nights were rough...he fussed a lot, he cried a bit, and it was hard for me to not run in, scoop him up, and apologize profusely.  But I knew I had to look long term...and this was the only way to do it.  Last night was not that bad.  He woke up at 10, but quickly put himself back to sleep.  Then I gave him the dream feed at 1130 or so (since I knew he hadn't eaten much at his last feeding).  At 4 am, he woke up, and I let him hang out for 10 minutes.  Once I went in there I gave him his binkie and a few pats, and he fell back asleep.  But then he woke up at 530.  I knew then that he was hungry (since he was so used to eating in the middle of the night).  Even so I let him hang out for a while, checking on him periodically.  At around 610, I finally made him a bottle and he drank it all.  Then he passed out again.  I know it will take some time for us to stretch that early morning feeding until his wakeup, but baby steps. 

Also, I noticed a big change in him today.  When it was time for his first nap, I waited until I thought he was tired, then gave him the binkie and put him in the crib.  He fell asleep!  On his own!  And stayed asleep for a bit longer than normal.   He was also more calm during the day, and didn't demand as much of my attention.  For example, we had dinner at Joe's parents' house and he lied on a blanket on the floor quietly while we ate.  Even they were like, who is this baby?! 

Tonight was not so great...because we were at the rents house and his schedule was off.  He didn't get a good afternoon nap, so he nodded off on the way home at 545.  I got him to the house, gave him a quick bath, a full bottle, and he started tonod off.  So I put him in the crib.  Well an hour later, he is still not asleep and keeps rolling over onto his tummy and can't get out.  So I have to go in there.  Finally he falls asleep, so I'm hoping the rest of the night goes well.

We'll see!

Cinnamon Baked French Toast

Yum!! I just made this (with some minor alterations), and it was delicious!!

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2010/05/cinnamon-baked-french-toast/


So much to post about...later!

Chili-Lime Corn on the Cobs

This one is super simple, but I wanted a post to test out my new navigation bar, so here it is!

First, start with ears of corn (you can use frozen, fresh, small, large, whatever).  I used these:

Image via

Cook according to directions (I made two). 

In a bowl big enough to fit your ears (mine were small, so  regular salad/cereal bowl worked for me), mix together the following:

1/4 cup lime juice

1 tsp sea salt

1 tsp chili powder

Mix thoroughly, then add corn one at a time to bowl.  Be sure you roll each ear around several times to ensure it gets all nice and covered in the mixture.

Plate and enjoy!

Broken

I am at the end of my rope.  I don't know how much longer I can, or want, to do this.

My baby won't sleep unless I am there.  It's god awful...I am so exhausted and just need a break.  I don't know what else to do...feels like I've tried everything, and it's still a process to get him to sleep and he never stays asleep long.

Last night was so messed up.  I gave him a bath at 630, then at 7 we had a bottle and walked and rocked until he fell asleep around 8.  Then at 830 he woke up, so I went in there and gave him the binkie until he fell asleep.  Then at 10, he woke up again.  Gave him the binkie again and left.  At 1030, he cried out again.  This time it took an hour of walking, rocking, patting, binkie to get him to sleep.  Then he woke up at 1152.  I couldn't even believe it.  We've changed formulas and omitted all cereals (maybe it's a digestive thing or gas keeping him up...it's not), we've established a routine (Thanks No Cry Sleep Solution), we've made sure he got successful daytime naps (sleeping with us, of course), tried rushing in at the first peep to try to soothe him before he wakes up completely, tried letting his fuss a bit to see if he will put himself back to sleep (he won't), etc...etc...  NOTHING WORKS.

Last night at 1 am, I decided I was done.  I had to try to let him cry.  Everyone, even my pediatrician, said this might be the only way to get him to sleep on his own, so I tried it.  I turned the monitor down and waited 10 minutes.  After the wait period, I went in there and tried to give him the binkie. He was hysterical, mad, crying.  I walked out, but his unbelievable wails brought me right back - with tears of my own (the second set of the night).  Finally, we ended up sleeping in bed together because I felt so guilty.

WARNING: Honesty Ahead.

I don't know what to do.  I've begun to resent my baby...I don't even want to be around him, much less play cute little games with him.  I'm upset that he won't sleep.  I'm so tired.  I have begun to think that karma is paying me back with a child that will never be disciplined or have self-control.  Why me, I think?  I have even begun to feel regret.  Why didn't we wait, why, why, why.  It's such awful things to think, but I am being driven to the edge and I'm not sure I'm going to find my way back unless something changes. 

I need someone who can help me.  Baby sleep trainer??  Can you hire those people?