Thursday, December 23, 2010

Struggling

Feeling a little down tonight.  Wishing this whole breastfeeding thing was going better.   It's not awful, but it's far from perfect.

We do ok, but we have to use the nipple shield.  So I worry that he is having to work so hard to get the milk (although there's always milk in there when we stop).  I feel like he is cluster feeding so much because he just gets tired of sucking.  And then we added in a few bottles during the times he was up for hours fussing, and now I feel like I've opened the flood gates.  We used a pacifier too, which I know isn't good, but we've been desperate.

To make matters worse, I feel like Joe is wanting to just go to bottle feeding.  He can see how frustrated I get, and how my nipples are hurting, and how easily Nash drinks from a bottle, and he thinks it's ok.  But I really want to do this.  Going to make an appointment to see Louise...the LC from the hospital...next week.  Maybe she can help me.  I've read a ton of stuff to try and figure out what I need to do, but I feel like he still isn't taking to it as well as I'd like.  He never "empties" a side, or anything like that.  He tends to play around a lot, which tells me he is not sucking effectively.  All the stuff I've read keeps telling me this behavior is normal, but that doesn't console me when I can't console him.  When he's acting hungry for the third time in an hour, yet only tries to suck for a few minutes before playing around or passing out (albeit only temporarily).

I just feel like I'm failing.  I'm tired...  I feel like I'm not being the mother I want to be.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Welcome Baby Nash!!

Wow...so much has happened since the last post, where do I even begin.  For starters, we welcomed our little muffin on Saturday, December 11th.  He was 15 days early, so although I had talked about wanting him to come early, I wasn't really expecting it.  Here is the story:

I had been feeling like crap for the last two weeks...so big, sore, tired.  I felt like I might not make it.  We talked with the doctor on Thursday the 9th, and she said I should come back in a week to get checked.  If at that check up, my cervix was looking positive, then we would schedule an induction for Monday the 20th.  I was super excited because it finally gave me a timetable.

Friday morning about 11 or so, I lost the mucus plug.  I was quite gross, but I knew that meant I was on my way.  I looked it up online and found out that you lose the plug hours, days, or up to two weeks before you actually go into labor, so it didn't really tell me much.  So I was out and about after handling the maids...getting a mani-pedi, hitting up the sewing store, and cleaning the house a bit.  I spent the rest of my evening sewing some new projects and hit the sack about 11 pm or so.   Joe came home about 1:30 am or so and I was passed out.  At some point in the night, I felt a pretty distinct contraction.  When the second one came, I decided I should check my clock just to be sure.  It said 2:27 am.  I wanted to be sure that if more came, I knew what I was looking at.  Well a short while later, I felt a gush.  I immediately jumped up and ran to the guest bathroom (hate waking Joe with a flushing toilet).  Once in there, it was a waterfall!  It just kept coming and coming...I couldn't even get up to go get Joe.  Finally, I walked back to our bedroom, but it kept gushing so I ran into our bathroom to try to catch it.  At this point, I am soaked!  I wait about 5 minutes or so and decide I should wake Joe.  He took a while to get up, but I told him, and he said, "So what does that mean?"  I was like, uh, I think that means I have to go to the hospital.  He was like, awww, really, I haven't really slept.  He said, I thought we have hours to wait before we can go...and I said, well that's just if I have contractions.  I think this is different, but I can't remember if I need to go right away or not.

So I leave him in the bed and go call the doctor.  The on call lady answers, I explain that my water broke, but I've only had two contractions, so I'm not sure if I should go to the hospital or not.  She was not helpful at all, so I just about hung up on her.  I came back into the bedroom, angry and crying...and not sure what to do.  Joe asked me what I wanted to do, and I said I just wanted to go to the hospital.  So I went and took a shower (had two more contractions during my 15 minute shower, so I knew something was up).  We had to finish throwing things into our hospital bags, so didn't get to the hospital until about 4 am or so.  I had water gushing almost the whole time and my juicy pants were soaked through by the time I got up to the 6th floor (even with a pad protecting me).  They asked me to change into a hospital gown, but I was literally leaking fluid all over the floor and could barely get undressed.   I was crying because I wasn't expecting it to be so much...I had always heard it would a gush or a trickle.  As in, ONE gush.  Not multiple gushes continuously.  Now I understand why people are nervous about their water breaking in public.

When I checked in, they said I was indeed in labor and my water had broken.  I was 1-2 cm dilated and completely effaced, so we were on our way.  Poor Joe was so tired...  We were moved to room 612 where we would stay until we were discharged days later.  They talked to my Dr and she said to start me on pitocin to ensure I would progress adequately since my water had broken.  I was able to manage the pain for a few hours, but by 10 am, I was off the charts.  I was sitting on the birth ball, with Joe rubbing my back, and said I can't do it anymore.  They decided to check me to see where I was before calling in the epidural.  Thankfully, I was 5 cm, so it was perfect timing.  It took about an hour of absolute misery for them to get me the epidural and get it in me, but thanks to my god awful contractions, I barely noticed the pain of the epidural.  Once it was in, I was in heaven.  I was so tired, Joe and I both tried to doze off for a while.  My doctor arrived and said I should wait until I feel the overwhelming desire to push and then we could move forward.  At about 2:20 pm or so, I started to feel a lot of pressure despite the epidural.  She came back in and said, you're 10, let's go.  So we got ready.  It was a lot harder than I thought...I always thought I would be a good pusher, but I kept running out of breath and feeling dizzy.  I didn't expect it to hurt as much as it did...always thought the epidural would take care of a lot of pain, but it didn't.  Finally after an hour and a half, little Nash was born at 3:39 pm.  He came out all bloody and sticky, but I loved him so much, I didn't care.  He came out at 8 lbs 5 oz and 20.5 inches long, so I can't even imagine how big he would have been if he had stayed in for two more weeks.  I ended up with a 2nd degree tear, so that part kind of sucked, but I was so happy to just have it done and over with.  I cried...a lot.  In pain, in fear, and then in joy.    Joe cried too...it was such a sight.


 The next few days in the hospital were a bit stressful.  During the day, everyone was so nice and encouraging.  Told me that the breastfeeding was going well, even though he was zonked out like a zombie for long periods of time and had to be woken up to eat.  But when the night nurses came in, they (one each night) told me I had to try harder or else he wouldn't do well.  They threatened me with him being sick, not being able to leave, etc...  I always thought he would wake me up in the middle of the night, crying, to say he was hungry, but he never cried.  Like literally NEVER.  Then during the next day, I was told, wow, doing a good job.  I was so confused about how we were doing...it was maddening.  Because it was a weekend, I had to wait until Monday to talk to the lactation consultant, so I was operating blindly.  In the end, we talked to her and she said, we were doing really well.  Said we should be proud and that we would have no problems once we left the hospital.  And she was right...we've been doing great!  He passed all his bilirubin tests and everything was fine.

Monday we waited forever for the pediatrician to come and release us.  He finally came around 7 pm or so and said we were good to go.  We grabbed our bags, our muffin, and headed out.  It was the coldest night of the year!! 

Everything has been going well so far (minus the pediatrician/circumcision issue I will tell you more about in a later post).  The only issue we have is that he sleeps all day, then keeps me up all night.  And he's definitely found his cry!  He barely cried the first few days, but now he has it figured out. 

Lots more stories and info in coming posts!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Week 36 Update

We had another doctor's appointment yesterday so wanted to share all the details.  At 9:30 am, we had to check in for our growth ultrasound.  This was the one we moved from Orlando back to Cape Canaveral so we wouldn't have to drive as far just to see if he's a chunkster.  Of course, he was napping, but we did manage to get a few cute shots of his face. 
He has the cutest lips and the chubbiest cheeks!!  I can't wait to pinch and smooch them!

The ultrasound tech said he is still measuring large (at about 7 lbs), but that he's not abnormal in any way.  Basically, his head-to-abdomen ratio is fine, so there is no worry of shoulder dystocia (a sure fire way to a c-section).  Also, she said he is already practicing breathing (we could see his lungs moving up and down), so that may be a sign that he will decide to come early.  The actual doctor talked to us later and told us that although he is still measuring at the 90th percentile, he is not humungous.  So, since my weight, blood sugar, etc... are fine, we really don't have any worries.  He's head down and so everything is good.  And he clearly has his butt/feet up in my right ribcage, so no wonder I'm having so much pain on that side!

We had our actual OB appt that same day, so I was anxious to talk to her.  The last few weeks have been rather tough with the pain, difficulty walking/sleeping, etc... so I had some concerns.  I also wanted to see how much I weighed!  Boy, I was not prepared.  It looks as though I have gained about 29 lbs so far...which isn't bad, but it isn't what I'd hoped.  I was hoping to only 30 throughout the whole pregnancy, so if I gain any more I will be over that.  I know it's all for the baby, but I also know I have been eating way too much junk lately (I'm just always hungry).  I just can't wait to get it all off.

During the appointment, I asked if she could do an exam to see if anything was happening (since I've been having pain), but it ended up being sort of pointless.  She said that not only is my cervix still way in the back, but that it is a perfect 36 week cervix (so no dilation, none of that).  I figured, since he hasn't really dropped, I haven't lost the plug, etc...  And admittedly, it was more painful that I expected.  I have yearly female exams and thought it would be more like that, but it was a little rough.  So, not sure we will ask to do that every week, but I may...just because I'm curious. 


36 Week Belly
So our next appointment isn't until the 9th, which is the 38th week, so I hopefully we will have progressed by then.  I really want this baby out before Christmas, so we may decide to induce the week prior to his due date (to make things better for everyone), but I am hoping it all happens on its own.  I would love to experience the whole labor thing and not just show up and so ok, I'm ready.  But timing is everything. 

Monday, November 29, 2010

Pregnancy Update

I realized that I have been blogging a lot lately about everything EXCEPT being pregnant, and that makes me a little sad.  I feel like I am constantly trying to find ways to distract myself from the fact that I am still pregnant and miserable, and I should be trying to enjoy all of this.

Truth be told, it's tough for me.  I know I don't really have a lot to complain about since this has been a pretty easy pregnancy, but I still feel like I'm just one of those people who don't naturally enjoy being pregnant.  Some do, I don't.  These last few weeks have been really tough...can barely sleep, can't ever get comfortable, can't breath, have heartburn...all I do is eat, sleep (try), pee, and complain.  I have so many pains.  I feel like I have abdominal pains (like cramps), vajayj pains, rib pains, kidney pains...  All so many kinds of pain.  And to top it off, I feel like a blimp...literally.  I am a bigger, fatter shadow of the girl I was when Joe and I first starting dating (or even from my wedding day) and it's rough on my mood. 

New Years 2008 - Dating for about 15 months
Even so, I am excited to be officially 36 weeks now.  We have another ultrasound and an OB appointment tomorrow morning, so hopefully we'll get some news.  We'll hopefully learn how big our little chunkster is.  We are also supposed to have our first "exam" tomorrow, so we'll see if there's anything going on down there.  With all this pain, I certainly hope there is something to show for it.  I haven't felt him drop yet and no loss of the "plug" as yet, so I think we are still a ways off.  Hopefully not too much though.   I have drill this next weekend though, so hoping I'm not too miserable.  Also hoping I can get out a little early on Sunday since we have our childbirth class AND have to get ready for the engagement party we got invited to.  Soooo busy and all I want to do is lie around.

Baltimore Harbor - Feb 2008
 To add to my mounting frustrations, I feel like nothing fits/looks good anymore.  I have had so much swelling in my feet that I can't really wear anything except my flip flops (which are not comfortable after so long) and a lot of the shirts I was wearing up till now are too tight/short.  This belly is mammoth!  I am interested to see how much I weigh, as I haven't stepped on a scale since my last appointment three weeks ago.  At that point I had gained 23 pounds, so we'll see.  I definitely have not been eating well, but I just feel so hungry all the time.  If I can make it through to the end only gaining 30 pounds, I will be happy.  And I am so happy that I don't have any stretch marks yet...here's hoping that continues through to the end.
Our Wedding Day - April 10th, 2010

Friday, November 26, 2010

Jewelry DIY

I am kind of in love with this blog called ...Love Meagan.  She takes a pic of her outfits and then tells you about all the pieces that she used.  She also alters a lot of her stuff and even creates a bunch of pieces herself AND shares the tutorials with you.

I had been dying to try some of her jewelry tutorials so I figured now or never.  The first one I wanted to try was her Pearl and Ribbon Necklace.  Here is a shot of her piece:
I decided to try mine using a slightly larger pearl and a sheer, organza ribbon.  It was quite tedious as I had to pull the pearls tight while trying to maneuver the needle and thread through the bunched up ribbon, but it turned out amazing!

I love that you can tie it at different lengths for different looks!  And I bet you can do this with other large beads and ribbon for a more edgy, less motherly look.

I also wanted to try her Knotted Ribbon Statement Necklace tutorial, so I bought a bunch of ribbon back when I bought my holiday items.  Here is a shot of her piece:

I think she used 5/8" and 7/8" ribbon for hers, but I accidently bought 5/8" and 3/8", so my design came out much smaller than hers.  I may go back and add some more ribbon to fill it out and make the overall design wider.  Here is the final product:

As a necklace
As a belt - the bump kind of hides it but you get the idea.
Overall, I am loving all of her ideas and cannot wait to try her Asymmetical Fur Vest tutorial.  I just need to find some faux fur I like...they had some at Hobby Lobby, but it was a bit crazy for me.  I really want a light cream-colored, feminine fur for mine, so keep your fingers crossed!

Thanksgiving Fit for a Vegetarian

Thanksgiving is always a tricky one for use for two reasons:  (1) Joe always works as Thanksgiving is one of their busiest nights of the year and (2) Joe doesn't eat turkey, hates cranberry sauce, and doesn't like anything pumpkin.  So....what to do.  I obviously still want to celebrate it since it is one holiday that always reminds me of family and food, cooking and celebrating.  So I set out to create a Thanksgiving meal for us non-meat eaters.

I began with a salmon with puff pastry and pesto recipe I got from Giada's book that Sandra got me (she always gets me these signed cookbooks!).  I figured it sounded fancy enough to make the meal special.  Then I knew we had to have stuffing, so I made one with apples, sauteed mushrooms, and rosemary mixed in.  Finally, I didn't want to add another carb and no vegetables, so I decided on making my cauliflower mashed "potatoes."  I had made these before and Joe liked them, so I knew we were set. 
Yum-o!!  After we stuffed ourselves, Joe headed off to work and I settled onto the couch with my mac and a steamy mug of homemade peppermint hot chocolate.  It was just delightful.  In case you want to know how I made that, here's the recipe I used:

1 c skim milk (I know they say full-fat is better, but I don't drink the stuff so this is what I had)
1/2 tsp peppermint extract
1 oz each of milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and white chocolate. 

Bring everything to a simmer over low heat and stir until the chocolate melts.  Serve with whipped cream and crushed peppermints.  De-lish!  And because I used some sweeter chocolates and not plain cocoa, I didn't add any sugar or sweetener to it, but you could do it that way too (works well if you want to use splenda or stevia for a sugar-free option).

More Baby Projects

Since I am back on my sewing kick, I decided to knock out a few more baby projects...including several that have been sitting around waiting for me to address them.

First up was a pillow case.  You see, they say you should bring your own pillows to the hospital so you are more comfortable and you won't have to go without if it's uber busy and they are short on pillows.  But, you aren't supposed to bring white ones, since these will be easily confused with the hospital ones.  So I toyed with the idea of buying some brightly colored pillow cases that would cheer me up (hopefully) and provide some comfort while I am in labor and recovery...but then I came across this tutorial on my new favorite blog, Make It and Love It and thought, I can do this!  And I have a ton of this silky soft knit fabric from our wedding photobooth background that would work perfectly and be unmistakably ours!  It was definitely challenging working with something that large (cutting, pinning, and sewing), but I managed to knock one out!
I still need to make one more (which I already have cut, just have to pin and sew), so I'll save that for another day. 

I also finished up the other two Wee Wee Wigwams I had started a while ago (if you recall, I accidently cut whole circles instead of half circles, so I ended up with more than I meant to).  Here is his complete collection, unless I get bored of those designs and decide to create a few more.


Also, I bought this book a while back that is filled with all kinds of cute baby projects, but I had yet to try making any of them.  There are definitely some booties, burp cloths, and a hat I want to make, but I figured I would start with some a little different.  I decided to try making a fabric block for Nash to play with.  I basically cut 4" squares out of 4 coordinating cotton fabrics and two 4" squares of yellow fleece I bought from the remnants bin.  Then you sew it all together (minus one side), stuff with filling, and then hand sew the last side.  Here she is:
You can see from the pic that it is slightly larger than you would expect (or at least, larger than I expected).  I already cut out enough squares to make another one, so we're stuck with the larger size, but I think it should be more like 3" squares.

Finally, I have made two different bibs in the last few weeks and wanted to share them with you.  The first one I made using a pattern from this site.  However, I think it came out too small.  Perhaps this is due to my inability to maintain a seam allowance or if I just screwed something up, but I didn't like how it turned out.  So, I borrowed one of the bibs I had bought from Target and used that as a pattern.  This one turned out much better, and I even appliqued on a little tie design that I got from this site

Here you can see the two bibs side-by-side and notice the size difference.

Something to keep in mind when using patterns in the future...I really should use my judgment once I see the pattern and decide if it's going to work or not BEFORE I start sewing.
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