I've Got the Fever...

Baby Nash - 1 day old

I feel like I'm surrounded by babies.  Babies in real life, babies on the interweb, babies in Target.  There are goddamn pregnant women everywhere!  Is it something in the water or what, people?!

::sigh::  I only say it like that because I'm supremely jealous.  You see, I always thought I would have my babies close together.  Two years apart always sounded good to me.  I never really wanted to be one of those people who let years pass and then one day, GO!  Let's have another!  Not saying that's not an awesome choice too - it definitely has its perks - but I just thought I wanted them to grow up together.  Plus I didn't want to be an old mom...hahaha!

But as time ticks away following the birth of Nash - six months, one year, 18 months, now almost 21 months - I realize I will have to be one of those people.  Our lives have become so completely disheveled that there's no room for a baby (or a pregnancy for that matter) right now.  Joe hasn't made any money at work in almost a year.  I'm seriously a career nomad right now just trying to cover down on everything by myself.  I'm on the short list to mobilize to DC again next year - which I don't really want to do, but it's ridiculous money and DC is a fun place and yadda yadda.

In my perfect world, I would tell the Army to go "F" itself on October 28th (my 30th birthday, how appropo).  Joe and I would say, ah hell, let's just do it and we'd have another baby (girl, please).  He'd finally be done with this County Line deal and move on to something else and make enough money to buy a house.  We'd move to North Carolina and I'd stay at home with my babies while earning extra dough as a photographer and a blogger.   Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?

Heading home from the hospital.

Bub and Daddy....who naps like this??  Only a tiny baby...

I think most of this stems from feeling like my baby will only be a baby for a short time, you know?  In just a few short years, he'll be off to school and that won't stop until he's an adult and moved out and gone.  So, I only have a few years to stay with him, teach him things, and help him grow into this fabulous little man.  Instead Joe handles it most days (no offense to my amazing husband, but nobody does it better than a Mama does).  And the days he works or needs a break, a couple of random women take over at daycare.  I'm left with a few hectic hours in the evening in between making dinner, cleaning up Nash zillion and one messes, and preparing for work the next day.  Oh yeah, and trying to find quality time with my husband.

I miss being home with my Bub.  And I want another shot at this baby thing.  And I don't want to be in the military anymore.  And I hate not having our own house.  And (shoot me for saying this) I kinda miss being pregnant too.