Weighty Issues

This is a frustrated post...just an FYI.

So, it's now been 14 months since I had my son.  Never a day in my life did I think I would be this far postpartum and still needing to get my body back on track.  I've been so overwhelmed, so stressed out, and just downright depressed that I haven't been working out consistently and I've been eating like crap.  Who knew it would be this hard...

So, when I found out I was coming here for two weeks I decided this would be my reset button.  I knew I would be all alone, without the pressures of work, family life, or needing to feed others with the foods they love, and I could just be me.  Week one was a totally failure.  I don't think I even tried to eat healthy, although I did work out a bit.  After heading home for the weekend, I realized I was wasting my opportunity and needed to get back on track.  So this week I have been doing really well.  I've been tracking all my food, working out, drinking water, taking vitamins.  Doing everything I know to get back to where I want to be.

And then I hit a roadblock.  You see, I've been tracking my calories on the Spark People app, which lets me input my goals, my food, and my workouts.  It told me my BMR was 1725, and in order to lose 12 pounds in 12 weeks, I would need to cut 3,500 calories a week - either by diet or exercise.  So I've been tracking so far...never exceeding my calories and working out.  Then I decide to google BMR and I find out that pretty much all the other BMR websites out there say mine is only 1435.  Shit.  So, in order to just MAINTAIN my weight, I have to only eat 1435 calories (I've been averaging 1600, minus 190 in exercise).  So, I'm barely maintaining right now.  I'm just not sure how I can get under by 500 calories a day with that low of a BMR.  And not feel like hell, that is.

In addition, I've really been leaning away from animals products these days.  I gave up dairy for the whole month of January and have been planning to go full-on vegan for Lent, but I'm at a crossroads.  The only way I know to be lean and fit is to eat chicken and veggies.  Fish and good carbs.  Cottage cheese and egg whites.  Nothing vegan about that.  So, do I give up my hope of being vegan (which makes me feel better - but that may just be compared to when I was eating crap, I don't know) or do I risk adopting a new eating plan that may or may not leave me skinny and/or sick?  I know it's possible to be a fit vegan, I'm just not sure if it works for me.  But I want it.  But I want to be lean too.