ROYR

Rest Of Year Resolution.

Tonight while sitting in the dark with Nashie while he fell asleep - mouth open and legs twitching with what could have only been a sweet baby dream - I made a resolution.  Who cares if it's not New Years anymore...

I will be positive.  While pacing his room tonight I began to realize that I can often be a negative person.  Funny, I always used to say I wasn't a pessimist, I was just a realist.  But now I realize that might not be so true.

Forever Yours - 4.10.10

 Thinking back to our wedding day, I can remember focusing so much on the things that didn't go as planned.  Indeed I even had a bit of a meltdown the next day when I went to pick up my car from the hotel and it wouldn't start (turns out I hadn't even noticed that I was out of gas!).  I was upset about all these little things and even said to Joe, "I am afraid I will only remember the bad things."  Sure enough, whenever I tell someone the story of my wedding day, I think of the mini accident, being late, having to pack everything up ourselves that night, our cake was wrong, etc...etc...  What's wrong with me?!  Why wouldn't I think about what a beautiful day it was?  Our families and friends were there, I was marrying my soul mate, and the weather was insanely perfect. 

34 Weeks!

 When I look back on my pregnancy, I focused so much on the negative things yet again.  I spent so much time saying this isn't what I expected.   I never expected to be so tired, to not be able to sleep, to have so much leaking/swelling/bloating...  Why didn't I focus more on how amazing it was that I was solely to thank for nurturing this sweet little baby in my belly?  Or how about the fact that I only gained 31 pounds despite my less-than-stellar diet.  Or that I lost almost ALL the weight within 10 days without one single stretch mark.  Isn't that something to celebrate?

Moments old...our first of MANY photos we'll share.

On to the actual labor...I was so bent out of shape about how it didn't go as I expected, that I didn't spend much time enjoying the process (can you do such a thing?!)...  I even cried that night at 3 am while standing in our bedroom telling Joe, "This ISN'T how it's SUPPOSED to go!"  Like I really knew how it was supposed to go.  I didn't expect to leak sooo much, I didn't expect to feel so much pain during the pushing, and I didn't expect recovery to be so rough or take so long.  But I've forgotten to think about how it only last 13 hours, which is quite good for a first timer.  I made it to 5 cm before I needed the epidural and felt very satisfied that I had the opportunity to feel real labor before giving in.  He came out perfectly healthy and barely made a peep those first days in the hospital.  And he had the sweetest little face.

Who doesn't love this sweet face!

Then on to the last four months.  I actually had a moment the other day (when I was dealing with the 8th wake up of the night and was completely exhausted) where I said, "What have I done to deserve this? I have a baby who won't nurse, who won't sleep, who doesn't want to be put down...is there a more difficult baby?!?"  How could I?!  I should be relishing every moment of him...there are so many times I thought about how happy I would be to have him, how happy I was that Joe and I were on the same page about having kids right away...and I'm wasting these precious moments being a negative nancy.  I have a beautiful baby, a kind and loving husband, and I've had the opportunity to spend the last four months at home with both of them.  People would kill for what I have...

So no more.  Each night I spend awake with him is one more night I get to spend looking at his sweet little angel face...and I'm so grateful for that.  So that's my resolution.

4 Months Old Today!

Unbelievable.  Our little muffin is getting so big!!

Hard to fathom how fast time has flown...and yet it feels as though he's always been in our lives.  We celebrated his sweet little birthday by hitting up the pediatrician for his well baby check up!  He's grown 3 pounds and almost 2 whole inches since his last visit, and he is still off the charts for height!  It's so funny to hear the doctor when she first sees him...she's always like, whoa...

So he's the size of a large 7-month old or a small 11-month old.  She even asked us if we had any really tall people in our families, and we were both like NO!  It's crazy...but she did say that by 9 months he should settle into his genetic height category, so we'll know more then.  Poor baby had to get a couple of shots today, which was not a cool birthday present, but it's what he has to do.

We also celebrated by giving him his first taste of REAL food.  Like I mentioned before, he has eaten the commercial Gerber Organic Brown Rice cereal and also homemade oatmeal, but no real food up until now.  I know it's early to start him on solids, but I think he'll be ok.  He seems so interested in what I'm eating, I feel like I'm depriving him!  I was eating a turkey sandwich the other day and he kept staring at it and licking his lips!  It was quite adorable, but so sad!  I just wanted to tear off a little bit and give it to him!

So he seemed to really like his potatoes, but he REALLY liked it when I mixed it with a bit of rice.  We are going to make sure we keep giving him his grains since America is sadly behind the curve on whole grains, and they provide the iron he needs, so I mixed them together.  Going to hit up the Farmer's Market on Thursday and hope to pick up some avocados for next week!  I also want to check out some of their other stuff in hopes of making some of his food ahead of time and freezing it.

One Year Ago Today...

...I married my best friend.  And here we are.  Married with a sweet little baby.  Who knew you could fit so much into one year.

We had an amazing wedding.  An incredible honeymoon.  Nine crazy months of pregnancy.  Thirteen insane hours of labor.  And four beautiful months of love love.  And here we are.

Even though sometimes I seem negative or I get down on my situation, I know in my heart of hearts that this is what is meant for me.  Perhaps I am meant to stay home and take good care of my doodle.  Perhaps I am meant to have a crazy difficult child because I can handle it (I can, right??)...   Everything happens for a reason. 

Here's a few quick shots of how we spent our special day.

Laid out in the backyard

Took a swim in the "baby pool." (hot tub)

Laid around and took naps. (sort of)

My forever family.  Love love.

The End

I've officially quit the dairy farm. 

Sad story...at around 3 months, Nash decided he didn't want to nurse anymore. Like flat out refused.  I had to go to drill one weekend so Joe had to give him bottles all weekend.  When I came home, it was like, no thank you, mama.  He would cry if I even tried, so we switched to bottles.  Well I struggled to maintain my supply (had trouble finding time to pump), so I started taking Fenugreek.  It worked like a charm, but it was still next to impossible to find time to pump.

I had relegated myself to pumping while he napped, but then a few weeks ago he went on a no-sleep binger.  He literally wouldn't nap for longer than 15-20 minutes and would wake up 4-8 times a night!  In short, that left me utterly exhausted and with no time (or energy to pump).  I kept trying though...until Friday when I had a complete meltdown.  I had spent all of Thursday night in his room trying to get him to go back to sleep, then he refused to nap Friday during the day, and I lost it thinking about how I couldn't handle another night of no sleep (Joe has to work both those nights).  So I had a meltdown...Joe and I had a fight (he said, it just is what it is, our baby doesn't sleep...I said, what?!), and in my catatonic room pacing later that night (he woke up 8 times that night), I decided I was done.

So that's it.  I wanted so badly to nurse Nash until he was a year old.  I kept thinking I could do it if I just tried hard enough...that I wouldn't give up without a fight.  I used to think people who didn't nurse just didn't try hard enough or didn't know all the options for help out there, but I have so much more perspective now.  I'm totally heartbroken, but truthfully, I'm so happy.  I'm happy because it's been so stressful trying to keep it going.  Now that I don't have to worry about fitting in pumping, I feel more at ease.  But I am sad my baby has to drink that frothy, stinky formula stuff.  Blech!

The Evolution of a Baby's Diet

We started giving Nashie rice cereal around his 3-month birthday.  It was due in part to a lot of people saying it would help him sleep better, and in part because he seemed really interested in me when I would eat my oatmeal during playtime in the morning.  So I thought we would try it.  The first attempt resulted in this:

 

So, I waited a few days and then tried again.  Amazingly, he did great!  He loves the rice, which I don't really get since it tastes like nothing.  But he urges me to hurry up, it's hilarious!

Next week we have his 4 month check up and admittedly I'm nervous to tell his pediatrician about the rice.  I know they say you should wait, but I just did what I thought was best for him.  So, assuming she doesn't go too crazy about the whole situation, I plan on introducing some yummy veggies next week.  Here's my plan, week by week:

Week 1:  Sweet potatoes
Week 2:  Avocados
Week 3:  Peas
Week 4:  Carrots
Week 5:  Butternut Squash
Week 6:  Green Beans
Week 7:  Bananas
Week 8:  Apples

All homemade too...since I really don't want to buy any of that packaged stuff.  I also want to try making him some homemade oatmeal to switch off with the rice.  Well, that's my plan anyways...we'll see how it evolves.

Back at Home

Ahhhh, how nice it feels.  Granted, I am tired and Nashie is not sleeping good these days, but I'd have tired over missing him any day.  Today we took this awesome 2 hour nap in the bed and it was so nice...took me back to the days when he was always sleeping with us.  He just sleeps so good when we're close by.  If only we could all sleep together forever...

So cozy we can't wake up

 I noticed the other day that his sweet blue eyes are changing!  We both have brown eyes, but my mama has blue eyes and his mama has green/hazel eyes, so we were both wondering when/if his eyes would change.  It's still too early to tell what color they will be, but I think blue is out of the question.  There is clearly a more hazely/brown coming in, so we'll see what happens.  I think he is going to end up like his mama...blonde hair and brown eyes.  And Daddy's tan skin...sweetness!

The whole pumping thing is still not going that great.  Now that he wants to take super short naps all the time, I don't always have time to pump, so I've only been managing 3 times a day.  Also, the pump just doesn't seem to get the milk out anymore.  It's great for getting it started, but nothing works as good as just squeezing it out manually.  But that's messy, and Joe made a comment today that maybe I am stretching out the skin that way.  My response:  What else am I supposed to do?  We women are supposed to sacrifice our bodies for babies, so it's either feed our baby as much breastmilk as I can manage or have perky boobs.  What is a girl supposed to do?!?   I still have the double pump I bought, in the box, as I was thinking I would return it.  But now I am wondering if I should try it.  I just don't want to open it up, try it, and find out it doesn't work any better than the single one I have...and then I won't be able to return it.  It was about $300, so that's a pricey risk to take.  ::sigh::  What to do...  Maybe I will try emailing the LLL, since I can't seem to make it to their meetings.

Also, NEED to work out and get my diet on track.  I feel so disgusting these days AND I know I need to get serious about this PT test.  I have a feeling I am just barely going to pass and that sucks.  It's just impossible to find time away until I find a babysitter.  Joe is just no help in working out time for me...he's got so many of his own things going on.

From Shape, "You have to be willing to give up the life you planned to have the life that's waiting for you.". Noted.