Sad story...at around 3 months, Nash decided he didn't want to nurse anymore. Like flat out refused. I had to go to drill one weekend so Joe had to give him bottles all weekend. When I came home, it was like, no thank you, mama. He would cry if I even tried, so we switched to bottles. Well I struggled to maintain my supply (had trouble finding time to pump), so I started taking Fenugreek. It worked like a charm, but it was still next to impossible to find time to pump.
I had relegated myself to pumping while he napped, but then a few weeks ago he went on a no-sleep binger. He literally wouldn't nap for longer than 15-20 minutes and would wake up 4-8 times a night! In short, that left me utterly exhausted and with no time (or energy to pump). I kept trying though...until Friday when I had a complete meltdown. I had spent all of Thursday night in his room trying to get him to go back to sleep, then he refused to nap Friday during the day, and I lost it thinking about how I couldn't handle another night of no sleep (Joe has to work both those nights). So I had a meltdown...Joe and I had a fight (he said, it just is what it is, our baby doesn't sleep...I said, what?!), and in my catatonic room pacing later that night (he woke up 8 times that night), I decided I was done.
So that's it. I wanted so badly to nurse Nash until he was a year old. I kept thinking I could do it if I just tried hard enough...that I wouldn't give up without a fight. I used to think people who didn't nurse just didn't try hard enough or didn't know all the options for help out there, but I have so much more perspective now. I'm totally heartbroken, but truthfully, I'm so happy. I'm happy because it's been so stressful trying to keep it going. Now that I don't have to worry about fitting in pumping, I feel more at ease. But I am sad my baby has to drink that frothy, stinky formula stuff. Blech!
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