My baby won't sleep unless I am there. It's god awful...I am so exhausted and just need a break. I don't know what else to do...feels like I've tried everything, and it's still a process to get him to sleep and he never stays asleep long.
Last night was so messed up. I gave him a bath at 630, then at 7 we had a bottle and walked and rocked until he fell asleep around 8. Then at 830 he woke up, so I went in there and gave him the binkie until he fell asleep. Then at 10, he woke up again. Gave him the binkie again and left. At 1030, he cried out again. This time it took an hour of walking, rocking, patting, binkie to get him to sleep. Then he woke up at 1152. I couldn't even believe it. We've changed formulas and omitted all cereals (maybe it's a digestive thing or gas keeping him up...it's not), we've established a routine (Thanks No Cry Sleep Solution), we've made sure he got successful daytime naps (sleeping with us, of course), tried rushing in at the first peep to try to soothe him before he wakes up completely, tried letting his fuss a bit to see if he will put himself back to sleep (he won't), etc...etc... NOTHING WORKS.
Last night at 1 am, I decided I was done. I had to try to let him cry. Everyone, even my pediatrician, said this might be the only way to get him to sleep on his own, so I tried it. I turned the monitor down and waited 10 minutes. After the wait period, I went in there and tried to give him the binkie. He was hysterical, mad, crying. I walked out, but his unbelievable wails brought me right back - with tears of my own (the second set of the night). Finally, we ended up sleeping in bed together because I felt so guilty.
WARNING: Honesty Ahead.
I don't know what to do. I've begun to resent my baby...I don't even want to be around him, much less play cute little games with him. I'm upset that he won't sleep. I'm so tired. I have begun to think that karma is paying me back with a child that will never be disciplined or have self-control. Why me, I think? I have even begun to feel regret. Why didn't we wait, why, why, why. It's such awful things to think, but I am being driven to the edge and I'm not sure I'm going to find my way back unless something changes.
I need someone who can help me. Baby sleep trainer?? Can you hire those people?
I found your blog when I was googling no cry sleep solution. I just wanted to say hang in there. I went through a very rough time from 4-6 months and most moms I have met also have gone through the same thing. It changes! Sometimes it changes for the worse and sometimes for the better but just remember that it will change. It won't be like this for long. I know how hard it can be and how exhausted it can make you to be up that much. I am lucky that I don't have to work so I can try to nap with my little guy during the day, but that isn't always an option and sometimes he doesn't want to nap at all. If you ever need someone to talk to just send me an email. You are doing a great job. Those thoughts of regret and resentment creep in when you are exhausted. Everything is better when you get a little rest. It is amazing what it can do for you to rest. Even if you can't sleep, rest. I had to learn that lesson. Don't worry about anything else. Cleaning, cooking, working out will all be there later. Just take care of yourself so that you can take care of your baby!
ReplyDeleteI know this won't help, but a friend of mine went through this. She drank A LOT of wine during this period. You aren't alone girl. Hang in there. It won't be like this forever.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Monica, for your comment (and for finding my blog!)... Sorry it took me so long to respond...it's been weighing on my mind day in and day out, but I wanted to be sure I had enough time and a clear head to respond.
ReplyDeleteIt means so much to me to hear from other girls about what they went through. It's amazing how much better you feel just knowing you aren't alone! Things are better now...we have found a balance! I only wish we had figured each other out a little sooner when I was home and could enjoy spending time with him. I was just so exhausted, it felt like I was on auto pilot. Now his daddy gets to spend every day with him, and I am so jealous!
Anyways, thank you again for your comment...I'm done blabbing away!