ROYR

Rest Of Year Resolution.

Tonight while sitting in the dark with Nashie while he fell asleep - mouth open and legs twitching with what could have only been a sweet baby dream - I made a resolution.  Who cares if it's not New Years anymore...

I will be positive.  While pacing his room tonight I began to realize that I can often be a negative person.  Funny, I always used to say I wasn't a pessimist, I was just a realist.  But now I realize that might not be so true.

Forever Yours - 4.10.10

 Thinking back to our wedding day, I can remember focusing so much on the things that didn't go as planned.  Indeed I even had a bit of a meltdown the next day when I went to pick up my car from the hotel and it wouldn't start (turns out I hadn't even noticed that I was out of gas!).  I was upset about all these little things and even said to Joe, "I am afraid I will only remember the bad things."  Sure enough, whenever I tell someone the story of my wedding day, I think of the mini accident, being late, having to pack everything up ourselves that night, our cake was wrong, etc...etc...  What's wrong with me?!  Why wouldn't I think about what a beautiful day it was?  Our families and friends were there, I was marrying my soul mate, and the weather was insanely perfect. 

34 Weeks!

 When I look back on my pregnancy, I focused so much on the negative things yet again.  I spent so much time saying this isn't what I expected.   I never expected to be so tired, to not be able to sleep, to have so much leaking/swelling/bloating...  Why didn't I focus more on how amazing it was that I was solely to thank for nurturing this sweet little baby in my belly?  Or how about the fact that I only gained 31 pounds despite my less-than-stellar diet.  Or that I lost almost ALL the weight within 10 days without one single stretch mark.  Isn't that something to celebrate?

Moments old...our first of MANY photos we'll share.

On to the actual labor...I was so bent out of shape about how it didn't go as I expected, that I didn't spend much time enjoying the process (can you do such a thing?!)...  I even cried that night at 3 am while standing in our bedroom telling Joe, "This ISN'T how it's SUPPOSED to go!"  Like I really knew how it was supposed to go.  I didn't expect to leak sooo much, I didn't expect to feel so much pain during the pushing, and I didn't expect recovery to be so rough or take so long.  But I've forgotten to think about how it only last 13 hours, which is quite good for a first timer.  I made it to 5 cm before I needed the epidural and felt very satisfied that I had the opportunity to feel real labor before giving in.  He came out perfectly healthy and barely made a peep those first days in the hospital.  And he had the sweetest little face.

Who doesn't love this sweet face!

Then on to the last four months.  I actually had a moment the other day (when I was dealing with the 8th wake up of the night and was completely exhausted) where I said, "What have I done to deserve this? I have a baby who won't nurse, who won't sleep, who doesn't want to be put down...is there a more difficult baby?!?"  How could I?!  I should be relishing every moment of him...there are so many times I thought about how happy I would be to have him, how happy I was that Joe and I were on the same page about having kids right away...and I'm wasting these precious moments being a negative nancy.  I have a beautiful baby, a kind and loving husband, and I've had the opportunity to spend the last four months at home with both of them.  People would kill for what I have...

So no more.  Each night I spend awake with him is one more night I get to spend looking at his sweet little angel face...and I'm so grateful for that.  So that's my resolution.