My First Mother's Day

Been trying to write this post for a while now, but we seem to be having internet issues lately.  The hubby has said he will contact Bright House to request a new modem, in hopes that it will fix the problem.

I never knew the magnitude of today until today.  I never really thought about what it would be like to finally be a mother on Mother's Day...to have a child who loves me and who I love more than anything.

I got up at 7 this morning and went in to wake up the muffin.  He was adorable as ever, with his little butt in the air and a smile on his face.  We spent the morning playing and just hanging out together.  I even got the most amazing mother's day card from him and one from Joe.  Not only that, but I got the most beautiful diamond necklace...it has a tiny diamond heart inside a larger heart to symbolize Nash's heart in mine forever. 

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Around lunchtime, I headed off to get an express facial and a body polish from the spa using the remainder of the gift certificate I got from Mindy and Becka when I was pregnant (meant for prenatal massages, but I only got around to getting one.  The I spent the rest of the day at home with the family, enjoying the beautiful weather, sweet baby smiles, and ending the day rocking my sweet baby boy to sleep (he was unusually cranky tonight and could not fall asleep in his usual way).

Overall, I spent the day thinking about my role in motherhood and my experiences thus far.  I feel such an enormous love for and sense of responsibility to this little person, it's crazy.  He's in every thought, and now that I'm back at work, I can't wait for the end of the day when I can run home and hang out with him before he heads to bed.  Our nightly bath time ritual has become super important, and I miss him almost immediately after I set him in his crib.  As a result, I find myself wanting to hold him more, comfort him whenever he cries (even if it's one of those fake, attention cries).  I think about how I could be spending every day with him and I hate that I've chosen to go back to work.  I could be taking him to story time and playgrounds and the beach...and instead I'm leaving him at home with other people.  FML.

The other thing that's so remarkable is how I feel about children in general.  I used to hear horror stories about people who abused, neglected, or abandoned their children, but they never really hit home.  The other day I was at work reading local news headlines and read a story about a Florida couple who is ready to stand trial for repeatedly abusing their child.  Apparently, they took the kid to the hospital for something and the doctors found multiple broken bones in different stages of healing, which means these people were repeatedly abusing their kid so horribly that bones were broken.  I nearly cried right there in the front office.  I could not imagine what disgusting people they were to hurt their OWN baby over and over again.  I prayed they would spend the rest of their lives in jail.  I wondered what would happen to that sweet child.  I suddenly felt the urge to adopt lots of babies who might never have known the comforts of a safe and loving family.  It breaks my heart to know that's not possible.  I can't save everyone...but I can't think about babies (or kids) not having the world.  Life is full of disappointment and struggle when you're an adult, why should these babies not have a blissful childhood???  So sad.

So, I've made a promise to myself to never take my role as a mother for granted...to love every second of it.  And to make sure my baby has all the love and support he can handle...for all those babies out there who don't.