It's Friday, finally. It's the end of my first week back at work. After over a year of job searching, I finally got an offer. It wasn't a great offer, and it's not doing what I normally do, but it's something. So on Monday, I headed off to the office.
I knew it was going to be hard to leave Nash...I have spent almost every single day with him since he was born (only days apart were those awful days I had to spend in DC), so I knew I was going to miss him. Boy, do I. After one week, I'm hating it. I am afraid that I'm going to miss something. Tonight during his bath, he grabbed for his squirt toy with a dexterity I haven't seen before. Little did I know, he has been grabbing his binkie and putting it back in his mouth on his own. And I missed it. What else am I going to miss??? I hate knowing that someone else is here taking care of him...I don't mind Joe, but we have a nanny that comes a few days a week when Joe has to work. It's not that I don't like her or trust her, it's just not me. It's a woman that's not me. It sucks.
On the other side of that is the reality that I'm so happy to have that part of my life back. I'm getting up, eating right, working out, doing my hair, having adult conversations, contributing, making money... All things I've been so desperate for in the past 5 months. I feel a bit like myself again. I go off to work and I'm Theresa again. It's weird to feel as though I've been severed from myself...
I have thought about what I would do if I did not want to work...if I gave this a go and it didn't work out (either because I missed him too much or because the job just wasn't what I'd hoped it would be). I know I need and want to work, so I'm doing everything I can to make it work. I miss the mommies...I miss gymboree and walks and being able to hang out with him all day, but I'm a lot less tired. He's a lot to take for a whole day.
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