Out...

I'm blogging on my iPhone while in bed right now... Had a very frustrating and emotional evening, so, yes I'm in bed at 8 pm. Warning: venting to follow.

I don't know what to do...Nash is such a sweet baby most of the time, but the last few weeks have been really tough. He's pinching, hitting, biting, screaming...and most of it is directed at me. I say no, stop, don't give in to his tantrums, and nothing's working. To top it off, I'm not here that much so I really have no control over his behavior. And I feel like I'm fighting this battle on my own...

There's no worse feeling in the world than wanting to spend time with your baby and having him hurt you, ignore you, cry to stay with everyone but you. I know people will say it's just because I work and they are home with him, but that fact hurts even more. I'm just the strange woman who makes his breakfast and puts him to bed. Like a babysitter.

I always wanted to have this incredible bond with my baby, but thanks to our "situation" I can't. I have to work... I thought i would be around to teach him how to talk, and walk, and be good...and i have such a minuscule role in all that now. So yes, I'm bitter...and hurt...

It's just not how I always envisioned it. I should just stop envisioning things because they never turn out right and I get all bent out of shape about it. I just don't want him to be spoiled and out of control...and then we're like, oops too late now.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone